Weathering the Storms

On this night I look outside and I sit and think about the past few years of my Life. Tonight I think about the lessons I've learned...think about all the faces and spirits I've come into contact with...all the emotions I've felt: love, happiness, sorrow, anger, guilt, pride, accomplishment..I'm thinking about the places I've been and I'm asking myself, What have I learned?

I've learned that there are some wonderful people in this world that somehow..someway...were sent my way. That I'm blessed to have a few people who come to love me in each turn in the cycle that is my Life and who stick with me through all of them. People who see me for who I am, see through my faults, my fears, my problems..straight through to ME.And with each I have our own unique friendship, relationship, and memories. As I grow, and learn, they become dearer and dearer to me. Without them, I'd be lost.

I've learned that I am much stronger than I thought I was.

I've learned that there is strength in letting go,strength in making hard decisions,strength in knowing when the time is over for something and, strength in not wanting to let go but stepping away because you know its what you need to do.When it's not right. No matter how much your heart begs you not to.

And, I've learned that no matter how much you love someone..there is a difference between loves. There is a difference between someone who cares, and someone who is meant to be with you. Someone who actually listens when I talk, listens to my fears, my sillinesses, my annoyances, my passions....listens when I talk about the things that matter the most to me. And even more important... someone who truly understands what I'm saying. That is the most precious thing.

I've found a few very wonderful friends who have come close. Friends that I hold onto dearly, whom I love unsparingly...who I've spent so many wonderful days, weeks, even years with. And as I keep walking down this Road that is my Life, I'll continue my quest for the Life I want... and if on this journey, during my search, If I find that person that is my other half, IN ALL WAYS,well... so be it.I will always hope so.. But I won't wait around for that person... or change for someone who is not that person... when the whole World awaits me.

So, on a closing note....I look forward to new times in life, a new leg, a new journey... a new Life. Scoff if you want... say I can't stay in one place.... and maybe you're right...Physically or metaphorically,I won't....I will always follow my heart.Because I believe, for me and for all of my loved ones, there is something better out there for ... if we're just willing to follow our hearts and never give up and never, ever... settle.

Mr PERFECT!!

I think a perfect person exists only in Mills and Boon or in Chopra films (and this implies to both men and women so I am not being partial). Anywas, after much thought :P here goes my list:

1. Honesty: It is most important for the survival of the relationship. If there is no mutual honesty and trust a relationship can never thrive for long.

2 Intellectual: I cant stand dimwits at all! He should be highly intellectual and be able to carry on the conversation smartly and intelligentaly on any topic.

3.Sense of Humour: I feel this is really important and after all laughter is the best medicine and this adds to the charm

4.Caring: He should be able to tolerate my mood swings (sometimes :P), shoule be able to sense things even when I cannot explain them. Shoule be understanding and give me my breathing space when I need it.

5. Responsible: Some one who I know would take care of things around, who is serious about his work but when at times I need him he should put his work at side and be there for me (basically someone who knows that work is definately important but family and offcourse I am more important :P)

6. Optimistic (to the core): I really get bogged down when things go wrong and become totally blue.He has to be an opposite atleast (and after all opposites attract)

7.Looks: SHoule be pleasant looking. I don't want a tom cruise other wise I will be bothered about all the women after him. But he should definately have loving eyes and a warm smile and yeah he should definately be:

8. Romantic: Should be able to express his love for me, remember all the date, make me feel special and love me just as much even when I have a running nose, bad cough and groggy eyes (Asking too much? Am I? But then I was writing about a "Perfect" person:P)

Lastly, he should be a self reliant and self made man (not the one's surviving on his dad's money). But he should be earning good enough so that the day I find my job sucking I can leave it and live the rest of my life off him. But then I don't even want a dumb fat money bag, he should have class to the boots!! And not to forget, should respect my mom dad and gel with my friends (and the most important: should be good in bed!! :P :P)

Hmmmm...that's about it.......Eh huh! Mr PERFECT...Lol!!

Separation is the end of an unfinished conversation/argument or problem.

Past few days I have come across a number of cases of lost love failed relationships, breakups, unrequitte love but no Happy Love!Agreed, when love goes sour, it sucks..big time! It feels like hell..and what the hell it is hell. But what I see around is not only sadness but a sense of anger and a much more blatant emption-defeated attitude towards life.. I feel lost love is more about letting go than venting frustrations and chanalizing anger. I am no guru at giving relationship advise but I can definately tell you one things..Its not the end of the world..Life moves on and so does time...Neither is going to stop for you. The choice for you is to either accept this movement or stagnate. By stagnating, you alinietae and thus you create your own misery and blame the one that has departed.No matter what, it is your life and you are responsible for your own happiess. The moment the happiness rests on someone else, you are bound to lose it.Be the safe guarder of your own well being and all this feeling of frustration, loss and defeat will vanish just like that.Like they say, its all in the mind, just like love!...Right? And then you cant hang on to things forever. No matter how hard you may try, favourite things cant be there for you forever.Either you outgrow them or it outgrows you.

When there is more pain in a relationship than pleasure then it should be ended before it destroys you. Some time you shouldn't delve into reasons for things going wrong or who is to blame etc.Sometimes you have to let go and let go of a lot of thins attached to the relationship- the warmth of their company, the shared anxieties and worries, the little sweet nothings-You must and you should!

Well Lettings go is not that easy but then sometimes holding on tightly or too long smothers the plan of our life or another. There is not point holding on to relationship which has lost its essence. We cant impose our desire on another soul because that soul may have its own path to tread. Let us appreciate and be thankful of the privilege of sharing life with someone. And if it should one day end by some stroke of fate, let us then have the wisdome to relase it to the universe and be grateful for the experience....!

Disjoint Thoughts....

If you peak in my head, these are just some things you will find scrambling across the brain of this eccentric twenty somebody at this point of time. Wonder if they make sense :)


Nobody said that moving on is easy.
The eternal optimist that I am, I believe that what happens, happens for the best.
Sometimes things don't happen the way you plan them and when you are caught unaware, your life turns upside down.

But there is order in chaos.
Moving on and running away are two different things. Sometimes we think that both are same. If you don't differentiate, you can't move on and get stuck in a time warp.
When you want to live your our safe world (the cocoon) and not venture out, something has to happen which will force you to come out. And turn everything upside down. Like a ship in stormy seas. And till the calm prevails, you will be fighting to get a semblance of life. Once you touch the shore and feel the ground beneath your feet, everything will be alright.

I am not an adventurer by choice but by fate, as they say.

I read somewhere that some people come into your life for a reason and when their job is done they go away.
The pain always fades and then comes a time you don’t feel it anymore...

Relationships: To live for or die for? Better yet, walk away....

I was talking to my roommate the other night and it is not unusual for us to have long pointless chats that last for hours…..The other day however we ended up having a deep conversation. Topic of discussion: Relationships. In today's time relationships are becoming more fragile. Why?

It left me thinking...N two reason crop up in my Mind:

1. We are more aware of what is right or wrong... If I am not compatible with someone, I'll not stay in such a relationship… I need to be mentally and intellectually challenged to be in a relationship…In olden times (i.e. the previous generation) people stuck around with one another, irrespective of the fact whether they were happy together or not.. 'Compromise' was the key word there… Divorce was taboo!! Making a decision about choosing your own life partner wasn't completely acceptable… Times started changing(urban India to be specific)…. We have a choice- we can walk out of a relationship and start over again. Though its difficult to pick up the pieces, still...

2. People don't wait around to see if things could work out (It doesn't mean being stuck in an abusive relationship or relation not based on equality)… Compromise is a bad word only if one of the partners is bending his/her back… To make any relation work, you need to accept the whole package... Everyone has his/her quirks and you need to live with them… Leaving the toothpaste cap open, wet towel on the bed may irritate you but they are not an earth shattering events… What matters is the integrity of the person, faithfulness, trust and ability to deal with situations and stick around in tough times… We live in a real world with real people.

Films, books and media in general, project an 'ideal happy relation'……Perfect parents, friends,kids, jobs, partners etc… Behind every successful relation, is a lot of hard work and some amount of compromise!!

Compromise only if you don't lose yourself in a relation…… 'Two become One' is a sweet notion but you can't be a shadow of the other… You need to be the mirror and retain your individuality!!! Wat say guys?

Letter to Self...

Dear Me:

I regret to say that I am totally fedup with you and your distractions. So I have decided to take matters in my own hands from today.

I have waited patiently for 23 years for you to grow up, and have some sense. But now I have realized that some people don't grow up and they don't listen to reason…..And you are a perfect example!! You are supposed to do something else (U kno what) and u are sitting here blogging. No, we are not going to have beer today.. and whatever happened to your resolution of not smoking for 3 months….U broke it, right!! Now we penalize you and extend it to another 3 months!! N BEWARE this time…

Whatever happened to your tennis lessons and the gym schedule, which you have been planning for past three months? Start reading avidly now and write sensible stuff henceforth….

The offer to visit the bar may look tempting, but we are not going there for another few days….Remember “alcohol is not coke”…. I am also surprised at your tremendous ability to forget things, which has cost us quite a lot now … All those emails and phone calls which are long overdue, we should be done with them by this week, right? For Gawd’s sake STOP bein LAZY!!

The list is very long and I don't want to go into lot of other details. I just wanted to let you know that you are not in charge from today.

yours ever,

Me

New Year.........Resolutions!

New Year... Here are a few things I wish to change in my hectic lifestyle this year (And y I might actually follow it, coz its simple enuf to fit into my otherwise hectic lifestyle!!)

1. I will find healthy ways to soothe myself... Not to rely on drinking to take my mind of things- "wine is not coke".

2.Eat proper food at least once a day.

3.Have more patience! Yes, I am a bit compulsive. I think when God created the world, he purposely created me for one Psychiatric illness- compulsion and impulsion ;o)

4.Smile sincerely, laugh a lot and take time off occasionally.

5.Make a promise I know I can keep.

6.Read a lot...n write more (sensible stuff)

7.Give a sincere compliment.

8. Crib less, No more gossiping n..... basically Live n LET Live!!

9. Expect Less...n try and give more (widout expectations offcourse)!

10.Be connected on a regular basis with people back home no matter how occupied I am..

11 Tell my friends I really care for them (coz I do!!)

11. Believe in the power of magic....No not that witchy, narnia kinda magic, But I guess I shud appreciate the power of a good word, a kind touch or a smile.... I hav lost that somewhere along the way and that scares me but I know I can always regain it....I believe that when u say magic it is some form of a well wish for a person...Maybe I need to be wished better n wish better.... n this Year will be it!!!

12. Last but not the least, I need to believe in myself...I have lost touch with wanting to be with me...I have lost interest in what I want to do.... I have lost touch with me.....May be someday I will find my way back!!

I would try and keep upto my resolutions this time.....!! :) As they say, may all your troubles be as short lived as my New y resolutions ;o)

Happy New Year people!!!