I am Alone with my Lonliness.....

Yesterday everything was just going on too well for me. Yet I could feel that something was amiss.......something which I could not figure out myself either. I wondered that since everything has been going on so well then why is that empty feeling surfacing again and again. I have noticed that even if all is going on so perfect around me and I even have my share of fun and frolic, still by the end of the day I feel gloomy. Why? What is it that I am missing so much. I have friends, work, family members, movies to watch, music to listen to... Anyways, not going off the track.......as I talked to this friend about his loneliness and encouraging him, I was myself feeling so discouraged deep within that I just could not control my tears afterwards..... I had to cry it out lest accumulating it inside. I have cocooned myself and radiate an aura of coldness so that no one sees what is going on within me. I am scared of anyone venturing inside and see the real me. Even my lonliness surprises me at times as if it is the only friend that I am left with.

But atleast it is there with me to comfort me as I slowly drift away in the stillness of the night and wait for the dreams to ride me high...............

Musings....

While I was a kid, my father used to make me learn how important it is to give respect to your elders and be polite with everyone you talk. All those habits that were inculcated in me in my childhood has carried through and so it would have in all of you. We learn so much from our parents and most of the time we are not even aware we have learned that from them. We tend to remember these words when everything is going fine, when everything is under control. But once things lose our control, all these values lose its importance. We fight like cats and dogs and abusing each other becomes a routine then. We don’t even realize what comes out of our mouth in anger and words spoken in anger can make us regret all our life.The greatest educational challenge for human race is how to unlearn the law of school which we acquired. It is back to basics time!!!

YAWN! life sucks, people suck, relationships suck,education sucks,world sucks,but i don't, world aint worth me, thats all !!

Is Suffering optional???

Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional. At least this is what they say. But how do I seperate the two is something I have wondered when I have been in pain. Is it being masochistic and simply wishing away the pain and suffering?
It is so easy to say things, to expect people to behave in a certain way. But when it comes to yourself, the implementation can be hard (to say the least!).
Is it OK to be weak sometimes? To get down on my kness and cry like a baby and ask "God, why?".. Is it OK if I cannot smile back at you and cannot be the "pillar of strength" you always see me as? Is it OK even if "men don't shed tears"? Is it human? Do I say that to justify the pain and the suffering?
Is it OK to die... The God-damned pain just wont go, the ache near the heart just continues. Is suffering really optional (as they say)? Beats me..

LoSt FrIenDsHiPz....

Ever since iv stayed away frm home, the importance of friendships became more apparent to me... though due to a lot mny things i seldom have time to chat on the phone or hang out with my buddies dat frequently but Amidst all this, many a times, whenever I'm in the bus or driving or simply surfing, i think about the lost friendships that i have with some people..and the regret i have in letting go without even trying....v all make mistakes, don't we?? But sometimes where relationships are concerned ( friendships included) sometimes, it takes two to clap. I believe everyone at some point in time has lost somebody precious or simply regret the loss of a budding friendship.... Happy times spend together, laughing, eating heartily and even crying together are just flashes of memories and no longer reality.... I guess it's something we all really have to go through at some or the other point in our lives................!!! Sigh!!