Stuck in Reverse................

Wassup fellas,

Mighty change has again permuted my life in an unchanged manner.... I have been trying find my home away from home and also to make some dough alongside (damn )...!!! I am doing somethin that I never wanted to do in the whole phuckin work , its really strange that I am not quite disliking the course of it (tho i might howl the other way, self proclaimingly I am a head strong nerd, strictly averse to change and especially work but i guess it is just that these days,some thing has gotten into me-I don knw of it ane better than u do!!)

I finally, have time for myself as a replacement for the time i use to murder to introspect and look back at things in the cynical/realistic manner that I have done in the past, guess that takes energy and Im gonna prevent myself of running outta it and maybe I dont want to analyse anymore (who gives a fuck anyway,I don and believe me even u you shouldnt!)..

Things however have moved at a more rapid rate than i expected them to be, fortunately I have found some pretty coarse partime work herein, not many places to wander bout (Sigh! I miss wandering bout, whoa..whoa! That plus some old friends -one heck of a comnination ,aint it ?).... We all here try to enjoy life as much as we can...partly drinking (not evryone), gossipin, leg pullin and partly sharing our experiences which generally drifts to recalling the moms-and-brothers, others moms-and-brothers etc etc (its not an awefully bad way to spend time either) and hell when it comes to Boys (n NV) everyone else has an input in the discussion ,and that makes it very fuckin interesting, listening and not letting the herd hear my very own silence...enuff..

Its about time that i should revert back to a very powerful factor that guides our life, yupp guessed it right, its about time for me to go about "TIME" .. If youve known me well, then you must know how much i love/hate it.... Here the thing is that there aint enough time for nothing, we just instictively react to it whatever we come across rather than effectively take steps at a more logical manner, this is really bothering me, though I never think and act but i always had the comfort that later i could think and come to a logical solution /reaction to the external problem, and later preach it (I too want to sound intelligent just like everyone else ..nothing wrong about that*wink*).. But jokes apart the thing tht I miss cming over to this new place is not my family or my friends but Time, I miss it cause if i had the luxury of thinking in the utterly" slow" manner that i generally do, I would have realised that i am missing them ..... Oops! I am starting to miss em.... missing my family(esp ma, pa n dadu) n my spcl ganga friends(those f who undrstan me by jus lukin in2 my eyes!).... Sigh! again time prohibits me from going on.... damn it!!(Promise, Im writin with dry eyes!) ..

But i promise that i will come back and share some more of my experiences... until thn b gud!!

Me, Me, Me!

Welcome to my blog :o) I am Anky lost somewhere in the US of A;the quest to find myself is an ongoing and never ending process!!

Defining Myself:

Like many ppl I too believe that introspection is very important. But it is not easy to see urself objectively because more or less we are biased towards ourselves. Here I am trying to see myself, rather some aspects of myself, that may be useful for improvement/clarification and give them a reason or a definition.

I write when I am feeling very clear or very unclear(always the extremes)... My escapism is my best defence against hurt of any kind.
When I do something it is for a reason which can range from satisfaction, achievement to pure passion.
I believe everybody thinks the way they do because their perception is biased. My reasons to go on with life are a mix of duty and curiosity (they say curiosity killed the cat)..

I resent control even if it is good. I can be with you forever because you care. I can leave u right now if that's what it takes to live in peace.

Work/Study finds place in life if I enjoy it or if there is no choice...
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For me the reason to live is life. At any time I don't regret what I do and maybe not really enjoy it either..

When In downswing I really waste time and get destructive but I don't care as long as I am the only one in the mess...When I am feelin up, I am not too boring a company to be with(Watch out!)

I am moody, frank, eccentric, methodical, individualistic, erratic, analyzed, creative, fair, passionate, ambitious, intense, understanding, verbal, sensitive, naive, impatient, inquisitive, open and logical.
I am honest as long as it doesn't really hurt anyone including me.

I have a poor EQ which is compensated by not so poor IQ.

My hobbies are troubling people, thinking and music.

Three things that can grab my complete attention at any time are good food n drinks, a gud article and/or book, and cute guys (not neccessarily in that order.).

The most important things in my life are being fair, self-respect, a good career, family, money and love.

My biggest enemy and friend is my hyperactive brain which thinks a lot.

I don't read like I used to..

My weaknesses are cute guys, good food, success, power, love to mention a few...
My biggest fear is falling in luv someday or getting married..

My worst nightmare is waking and finding myself on an island all alone..
My biggest tragedy is not being understood.

I think Murphy's laws work.
I want to be able to fly and I feel I will live forever.

I think a lot. When I am in upswing, it shows as focussed intelligent work and philosophical pondering. In downswing it becomes destrucive attitudes, sullen moods and laziness.


I accept myself and people as they are as long it doesn't disturb my peace of mind bigtime.
I think purpose of every activity is happiness.

I feel money is by luck but knowledge is by hard work. Hard work without a clear aim is stupidity.


And I can blog indefinitely!

Random Thots-->PsHyCotIc MiNd!!

It's 1:00 am in the night and I can't sleep.. My eyes are burning and I have a headache- yet I can't sleep....I miss India - the food, my friends.....everything!

I have been wanting to start writing regulary again....It has been quite sometime I hav given up writing my diary and/or blog...actually, I never found time(Those who knw me, knw that time n money r two things I alwas hafta run after*giggle*)!Something is definitely wrong with me - I never had so much trouble with time-management before----> registration for classes, orientation, seminars, bank account frmalities, huntin for an apartment, part time job etc etc----its never ending!

Its real fun but then life is so very different here:

My old friends n family are no longer with me....
Dead-lines (for everythin) eat away most of my time...
Daily tasks n challenges occupy the remaining time....
Irritation of nerves is a frequent occurance....

I still don't seem to be completely getting along with the life here.....Life in India used to be such a piece of cake!Like they say, “The grass is always greener on the other side”.....!
Now, looking back on the good old days, I keep reminiscing about the good times, ignoring the bad.... I try not to focus on how things would be had I remained in India and instead, think about what I have today - a few good friends (who've remained in touch despite the distance) who are always on my side, and many new ones - some close, some not so much...

I think, to an extent, even I have changed - perhaps for the better! I am no longer completely happy-go-lucky - I do my own work, instead of relying on someone else to do it for me... I do not make friends very easily, any more... I am still as talkative as I was, but there are times when I stay totally aloof! These days, I love my own company the most and am no more a people's person I used to be(tho I cant get rid away of my intrinsic traits easily--->the vast resevoir of undiluted gibberish I hav up there needs to come out once every while*wink*)....!

I guess my life in USA is going to be one roller-coaster ride, with many ups and downs and I have now fastened my seat-belt and am ready to enjoy the ride!

Survival In US of A

This is- Survival in the face of gettin up early morning.... No lunch. Dizzy at the end of the day. Go home to half cooked food, swimming in oil, no salt, no spices. Coke Coke, burgers (pork, hashbrown, beef, chicken) and pringles.....Too many kannada n telgu speaking people around(Lack of ability to learn tongues)...… antipleasure… antilife…goofin up evry now n then… bumbling me… insecure… cornered… silence… solace… music music and fits of euphoria, sadness, anger… real emotions generated artificially... nostalgia.. long distance calls… reliving old memories… rereliving…
Homesickness hittin right in the face but still exploring enjoying n discoverin a lot of new things....n that keeps the adreline running !

**draped in confusion, apprehensive about the future, ruminating over the past,living the present with ephemeral moments of happiness**

And yes I am now the proud owner of an iPhone… God bless Apple!!!

Wud keep updating folks.....until then take care people!

Life is (very unlike me statement)…. ...well.....Beautiful!!

This has been a wonderful wierd and at times painful ride.... I am of course talking about my initial days in syracuse... I have seen and done so much it seems like a lifetime... Hard to believe its jus been a week.... But such is the way of time … it flies by!! I miss home (and I don nly mean mommy and daddy home, I of course also mean my Friends!). I miss pandu n her no nonsense attitude.... I miss the anxious moments before the start of a presentation in college… I miss the royal screwups … I miss seema’s rants about how bad we were.... I miss those late night chats n talks.... I miss not going to lectures. ....I miss the wierd food sessions with Pappu n Momo. I miss Lil chik'n aka NM getting pissed off at little things.... I miss the death defying afternoons with Alpana..... I miss Prajktaz lets conquer the world attitude.... I misssh office...the stairs n the chai wala....our silly jokes.. n endless cribbin bot Xansa n its policies.....I mishhh varun gettin irritated..I missshhh roshiniz stories.....I misssshh shilpa n her jerkin shoulders.....I misss Ashiwiniz Pjz.....I miss our late nyte conference calls...I miss Sumit getting loled...... I miss Anupama’s wierdness.....I mish our bein thr for ech othr evrytim.....I missh evryone... I miss the feeling of feeling young.....I miss everything and so much more.....As for Syracuse its nice… but its not home!!